I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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