I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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