I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
