you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
