Got a toothbrush?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
