I think my fart just growled at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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