I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
