a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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