Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
