He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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