I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
