Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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