I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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