once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He kissed a someone with a penis
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Vodka?
Forever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize