my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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