I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
