That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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