What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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