I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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