After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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