So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
