oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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