Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
