all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You dont lie about slip and slides
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
