hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
