I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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