i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
