Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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