WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
