A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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