Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
