Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
