oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
