I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
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Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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