jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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