i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize