I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
