I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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