its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
