you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
