Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
