dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
