You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
