maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
