I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
