Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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