dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You can't special order awesome
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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