I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
