Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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