this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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