Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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