I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
