I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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