I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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