I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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