you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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