I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
