I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
