I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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