how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
