You're earring is so big in my mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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