the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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