At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize