Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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