Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize