Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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