we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
