I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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