I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
