it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
